Dear Father reliving his glory days, the Fantasy Football League Champions, and the know-it-alls,
If you feel as though you have missed your life's calling of becoming a highschool coach, I've got great news! Colleges across the state are enrolling into their coaching and exercise science programs as we speak! And it's never to late to teach an old dog new tricks!
But here are a few things you might want to consider from someone in the biz...
1. There are 6 year olds in Vietnam making sweaters for more money than you will get paid. Time/pay equals about 20 cents per hour. We ain't Rollin in the dough here.
2. Everyone will consider you an idiot or hard headed, because let's face it, what kind of idiot would choose a career that every single person in the bleachers could do better.
3. IF you have a supportive wife, know that she will have to smile at the fans, put on a happy face, work for you, the team, and the school for FREE, all while listening to how stupid you are and have your every flaw picked apart like buzzards on roadkill.
4. If you are lucky enough to keep said wife around, go ahead and let her know that she will be a single mom, you might not see her or your kids for days, but she will be required to hold it together because she's gotta work too to make up for the fact that although you work the hours and stress level of a neurosurgeon, you make equivalent to a rodeo clown.
5. You will have to take all the blame. When you call a play and a kid doesn't run it right, or chokes, it's YOUR fault. Every time.
6. you literally place your career in the hands of 15 year olds. Then have 100 experts evaluate "your" performance.
7. You will receive phone calls and anonymous letters at all hours of the day and night. Even at the high school level. Trust me, I'm not making this up.
8. You will have to practice great self control, and learn how to separate the kids from their parents and not hold it against them. I suggest enrolling in a meditative yoga class.
So, let's assume you still love a certain sport and the kids who play it to want to continue on to "the career that got away". We are considering handing out whistles next Friday, and you are welcomed to join them on the sidelines. Have fun, you are in for a bumpy ride!
Love,
The Coach's Wife
